A week ago yesterday I got out my trusty measuring tape and braced myself for the worst. And actually, it was not as bad as I feared. It wasn't good...but still. I'll take any good news I can get.
Now before you get too excited (because I know you're just breathless with anticipation, right? ;) ), I'm not going to share the starting measurements for a while. But I will share the changes, because there are! Changes! Woo!
5/9-5/16:
weight: -1.5 lbs
waist: -1"
hips: -1/2"
The first few drops in what I hope will one day be a full bucket of inches and pounds lost. It felt good to see that things are changing. No, I can't tell a difference in my clothes or anything yet, but I know that will come. For now, this is all the encouragement I need. :)
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Mind Games
I knew it was too good to be true. Last week I felt invincible, like I could take on the world. This week, willing myself to do the workouts has been tough. Really tough. I feel like I'm being helped along this week. Little things are reminding me and I'm getting my butt to the gym, but only barely.
Yesterday, I was seriously considering not going to Zumba. (You see? You see what I mean about that rest day? Gets me every time.) My kids were being total pills, and I was not exactly a shining example of patience either. I happened to call my MIL law about something totally unrelated and she asked me if I was going to Zumba that morning, because she was planning on it. I fudged a bit. Max was still sleeping - even though he had been down almost two hours and I knew I had to get him up anyway - and blah blah blah. This is after I spent about 20 minutes last Friday night sharing with her the wonders of Zumba and telling her exactly when I would be doing it. So, wanting to see if she loved it as much as I did, and knowing I needed to go, we made a mad dash out the door and arrived on time.
We had a new instructor. Holy hell, she kicked our butts. She was amazing, and I really hope to have her again next week. I felt good, glad that I had come, but still in The Place Of No Willpower.
Today, again, I thought seriously about skipping my workout. I was late last week because my kiddo got picked up at 6:20, so I figured the same would probably be true today. But by a stroke of good luck, it was 6:00 instead, and I had plenty of time to get there.
So you see, little reminders. A chance phone call, a kiddo picked up on time...things that went just right so that I didn't fall off this wagon for the bajillionth time. But one of these days I'm going to have to do it myself. I'll have to drag myself out of the darkness of The Place Of No Willpower and win the game all on my own.
Will it get better? Those of you who have conquered this and reached your goals...do the mind games get easier? Or do I just need to get used to it? Find a way to ignore it? Tomorrow, I'm at it again.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Workouts: Week One
I've been waging this war a long time. While that's sometimes discouraging, it has also helped me learn a great deal about what does and doesn't work for me.
When it comes to working out, I know that I probably won't ever be one of those people who can work out 2-3 times a week and stay with it consistently. I have to work out everyday. My vices make it that way. I tend toward laziness and disorganization. If I'm not right on top of those all the time, they take over. I've tried working out every other day, two days on one day off, etc. That "rest day" pulls me right down into my old habits, and halfway through it I already know I won't be going to work out the next day. Additionally, I have to plan my workouts for the week ahead of time. If I haven't already determined what to do (along with a plan B if the hubby works late or something) I won't do it at all.
I mentioned before the weight loss I had in college. Back then I used The FIRM. I loved that program. I still do, but it's hard to do at home with little ones. I didn't follow the recommendations for the workout schedule. Instead, I did it every day, right from the start. I stuck with it, and it worked. Once I tried to switch to every other day, my routine fell by the wayside and I stopped altogether.
So I knew I had to jump right in this time, every day; no matter what the workout looked like, it had to get done. I'm proud to say that this past week I did an hour-long workout every day but Sunday. Even though it was Mother's Day, I got a lot done around the house, so I'm hoping that counted for something. I think Sundays will be my challenging day because there aren't any classes at the gym besides yoga. So I'm not really sure what to throw in on that day. Our DVD player won't work, so all my home workouts are impossible. I really don't care much for yoga, and I have issues with my neck that make a lot of the poses really uncomfortable.
Any thoughts or suggestions to fill up my Sunday? Maybe something a little off the beaten path?
Next week will look like this: Monday - Zumba; Tuesday - Zumba; Wednesday - Zumba; Thursday - Cycling; Friday - Zumba; Saturday - Cycling.
Yes, it's a lot of Zumba, but aside from the fact that I LOVE it, the times for that class work best with my schedule. But something different for Sunday would be fun!
Thanks for reading. I know for some of you this parallels your own journeys. We can do this! Thanks for being motivation for me, too.
Hope you all have a great week!
When it comes to working out, I know that I probably won't ever be one of those people who can work out 2-3 times a week and stay with it consistently. I have to work out everyday. My vices make it that way. I tend toward laziness and disorganization. If I'm not right on top of those all the time, they take over. I've tried working out every other day, two days on one day off, etc. That "rest day" pulls me right down into my old habits, and halfway through it I already know I won't be going to work out the next day. Additionally, I have to plan my workouts for the week ahead of time. If I haven't already determined what to do (along with a plan B if the hubby works late or something) I won't do it at all.
I mentioned before the weight loss I had in college. Back then I used The FIRM. I loved that program. I still do, but it's hard to do at home with little ones. I didn't follow the recommendations for the workout schedule. Instead, I did it every day, right from the start. I stuck with it, and it worked. Once I tried to switch to every other day, my routine fell by the wayside and I stopped altogether.
So I knew I had to jump right in this time, every day; no matter what the workout looked like, it had to get done. I'm proud to say that this past week I did an hour-long workout every day but Sunday. Even though it was Mother's Day, I got a lot done around the house, so I'm hoping that counted for something. I think Sundays will be my challenging day because there aren't any classes at the gym besides yoga. So I'm not really sure what to throw in on that day. Our DVD player won't work, so all my home workouts are impossible. I really don't care much for yoga, and I have issues with my neck that make a lot of the poses really uncomfortable.
Any thoughts or suggestions to fill up my Sunday? Maybe something a little off the beaten path?
Next week will look like this: Monday - Zumba; Tuesday - Zumba; Wednesday - Zumba; Thursday - Cycling; Friday - Zumba; Saturday - Cycling.
Yes, it's a lot of Zumba, but aside from the fact that I LOVE it, the times for that class work best with my schedule. But something different for Sunday would be fun!
Thanks for reading. I know for some of you this parallels your own journeys. We can do this! Thanks for being motivation for me, too.
Hope you all have a great week!
I can't remember...
Have you heard that saying, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? I was thinking about that this morning while attempting to ignore a craving. It occurred to me that I can't remember what it feels like to be thin.
The last time I was in the neighborhood of an appropriate weight for my height/body type was in college. My junior year I lost 25 pounds through diet and exercise (and I started out at 50 pounds less than I am now). I felt great. I felt energetic, happy and relished a sense of accomplishment. It's been so long since I felt those things about my weight that I literally can no longer remember what it's like.
I can't remember what if feels like to be thin.
I can't remember how it felt to pull anything out of my drawer or closet and know that it would fit.
I can't remember looking in a mirror and not having trouble meeting my own gaze or looking away as quickly as possible.
I can't remember what confidence feels like.
I can't remember the last time I felt attractive.
I've been heavy for so long that it's almost become a part of my identity, something about which I grew comfortable and complacent. Not happy with it, but just believing that the hurdle had become too big, too insurmountable, so why bother?
Wow. This is getting depressing, I think. Sorry, you guys. I have a point! I promise!
My point is...not being able to remember these things makes me even more determined to get there. I want to be able to grab something out of my closet and get dressed, knowing what I'm wearing fits and looks good. I want to feel like I've jumped that hurdle and can turn around and scoff at it. <insert appropriately haughty laugh here> I want to feel like I can run and jump with my kids. I want to feel like I'm attractive to my husband.*
And I never, EVER want to forget again.
*Just to be clear, this is my perception and struggle only. My husband has always assured me that he loves me as I am. :)
The last time I was in the neighborhood of an appropriate weight for my height/body type was in college. My junior year I lost 25 pounds through diet and exercise (and I started out at 50 pounds less than I am now). I felt great. I felt energetic, happy and relished a sense of accomplishment. It's been so long since I felt those things about my weight that I literally can no longer remember what it's like.
I can't remember what if feels like to be thin.
I can't remember how it felt to pull anything out of my drawer or closet and know that it would fit.
I can't remember looking in a mirror and not having trouble meeting my own gaze or looking away as quickly as possible.
I can't remember what confidence feels like.
I can't remember the last time I felt attractive.
I've been heavy for so long that it's almost become a part of my identity, something about which I grew comfortable and complacent. Not happy with it, but just believing that the hurdle had become too big, too insurmountable, so why bother?
Wow. This is getting depressing, I think. Sorry, you guys. I have a point! I promise!
My point is...not being able to remember these things makes me even more determined to get there. I want to be able to grab something out of my closet and get dressed, knowing what I'm wearing fits and looks good. I want to feel like I've jumped that hurdle and can turn around and scoff at it. <insert appropriately haughty laugh here> I want to feel like I can run and jump with my kids. I want to feel like I'm attractive to my husband.*
And I never, EVER want to forget again.
*Just to be clear, this is my perception and struggle only. My husband has always assured me that he loves me as I am. :)
Friday, May 11, 2012
"Me Time": Then and Now
Not that long ago, the time I had to myself looked very different. If I could manage it, I would take an hour or two and head to Applebee's. I would order the spicy queso and a mudslide...and finish them both.
Let's let that sink in for a moment...
I'd eat an appetizer made for two or more people by myself and wash it down with a drink made from ice cream and alcohol. UGH.
The sad thing is, it still sounds good. I still have to remind myself that my "me time" doesn't look like that anymore; that it can't look like that anymore. I still have to remind myself that even though I really don't "deny" myself anything, that's a place I can't go. It's still too slippery a slope.
Now, "me time" is when I rush out the door to the gym after dinner, or drop my loves in the gym's daycare one or two mornings a week so I can work out. Part of me resents that; I would rather be doing a thousand other things than using my sparse alone time to sweat it out in the aerobics room. But part of me also knows that if I don't change this, I may not even be around to have it. Hmm. Suddenly that queso and mudslide don't sound so good anymore.
At the end of Zumba tonight, our instructor played Kelly Clarkson's Stronger. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I really realized that I wasn't just doing this for me. I was doing it for my kids, and for my husband, because they deserve to have a healthy mom, a healthy wife. I'm getting stronger with every workout. I'm changing my future every time I don't drive over to that restaurant. Every step I take to better my health is an investment in my future, and in theirs.
And it's funny how, just like that, it felt like time well spent.
Let's let that sink in for a moment...
I'd eat an appetizer made for two or more people by myself and wash it down with a drink made from ice cream and alcohol. UGH.
The sad thing is, it still sounds good. I still have to remind myself that my "me time" doesn't look like that anymore; that it can't look like that anymore. I still have to remind myself that even though I really don't "deny" myself anything, that's a place I can't go. It's still too slippery a slope.
Now, "me time" is when I rush out the door to the gym after dinner, or drop my loves in the gym's daycare one or two mornings a week so I can work out. Part of me resents that; I would rather be doing a thousand other things than using my sparse alone time to sweat it out in the aerobics room. But part of me also knows that if I don't change this, I may not even be around to have it. Hmm. Suddenly that queso and mudslide don't sound so good anymore.
At the end of Zumba tonight, our instructor played Kelly Clarkson's Stronger. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I really realized that I wasn't just doing this for me. I was doing it for my kids, and for my husband, because they deserve to have a healthy mom, a healthy wife. I'm getting stronger with every workout. I'm changing my future every time I don't drive over to that restaurant. Every step I take to better my health is an investment in my future, and in theirs.
And it's funny how, just like that, it felt like time well spent.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Zumba
I am not a dancer. It's one of my fondest wishes, but alas. God blessed me with rhythm, but not physical coordination. So you might understand my hesitation at attempting something like Zumba. I was pretty sure I would look like an idiot and not be able to keep up. But I decided that I'm going to try new workouts, so tonight after M was picked up I ran out the door for a 6:30 class.
Aside from my slight nervousness, I was also 10 minutes late and it was packed. I forged a little spot for myself in the corner and jumped in with two feet. Into squats. Fun! I felt the burn right away and for a moment I wasn't sure I could do it for another 40 minutes. But the beautiful thing about Zumba is that it's always changing. Our instructor was upbeat and clearly having the time of her life, and her attitude was infectious. Thge music was awesome. Everyone there - from the women who were clearly regulars, to the newbies like me - was having fun. I couldn't begin to name all the styles of dance we did, but aside from 2 of them I was able to really keep pace with the instructor. About 10 minutes in, I realized 2 things. First, I was sweating like crazy - in the way that you know you're working your tail off - and second, I was smiling. I don't think I have ever smiled during a workout.
I'm going back for the next class. Knowing there's a way to get a great cardio workout and have fun doing it? How could I not go back? If you've never tried Zumba, do it. You'll love it. I did.
Aside from my slight nervousness, I was also 10 minutes late and it was packed. I forged a little spot for myself in the corner and jumped in with two feet. Into squats. Fun! I felt the burn right away and for a moment I wasn't sure I could do it for another 40 minutes. But the beautiful thing about Zumba is that it's always changing. Our instructor was upbeat and clearly having the time of her life, and her attitude was infectious. Thge music was awesome. Everyone there - from the women who were clearly regulars, to the newbies like me - was having fun. I couldn't begin to name all the styles of dance we did, but aside from 2 of them I was able to really keep pace with the instructor. About 10 minutes in, I realized 2 things. First, I was sweating like crazy - in the way that you know you're working your tail off - and second, I was smiling. I don't think I have ever smiled during a workout.
I'm going back for the next class. Knowing there's a way to get a great cardio workout and have fun doing it? How could I not go back? If you've never tried Zumba, do it. You'll love it. I did.
A relatively stable level, period, or state
That's right, folks. Say it with me. PLATEAU!
Until I read the actual definition, I had always felt negatively toward the weight loss plateau. But now, I'm not so sure. After all, stability is generally regarded as a good thing! In family life, in a career, in a canoe (or any watercraft, really)...stability is the name of the game. So why the dread when it comes to weight loss? I'm still 245. My weight loss still stands at 26 pounds. I haven't gained any weight. I've maintained my weight. Would it be better if I were maintaining 160 pounds? Well, sure. But these plateaus are bound to happen, so instead of getting frustrated, I can think of it as practice for maintaining my goal weight.
I don't want to stay here, but I'm glad I haven't gone back up. I've dealt with and solved a couple of health issues that were getting in the way of working out. So now, I'm committing to 4 classes at my gym per week. I'm trying to try some I wouldn't have considered before, like Zumba (please, God, don't let me look like a complete fool).
I know I could workout at home, but my kids are still pretty young (and haven't yet learned patience), and no one naps simultaneously anymore. Plus, I like getting out and trying new things. I get bored with workouts really quickly, so being able to change it up a lot is good for me. Hopefully this plateau will end soon and the increased exercise will begin to shave off these pounds, but for now...I'll take stability.
Until I read the actual definition, I had always felt negatively toward the weight loss plateau. But now, I'm not so sure. After all, stability is generally regarded as a good thing! In family life, in a career, in a canoe (or any watercraft, really)...stability is the name of the game. So why the dread when it comes to weight loss? I'm still 245. My weight loss still stands at 26 pounds. I haven't gained any weight. I've maintained my weight. Would it be better if I were maintaining 160 pounds? Well, sure. But these plateaus are bound to happen, so instead of getting frustrated, I can think of it as practice for maintaining my goal weight.
I don't want to stay here, but I'm glad I haven't gone back up. I've dealt with and solved a couple of health issues that were getting in the way of working out. So now, I'm committing to 4 classes at my gym per week. I'm trying to try some I wouldn't have considered before, like Zumba (please, God, don't let me look like a complete fool).
I know I could workout at home, but my kids are still pretty young (and haven't yet learned patience), and no one naps simultaneously anymore. Plus, I like getting out and trying new things. I get bored with workouts really quickly, so being able to change it up a lot is good for me. Hopefully this plateau will end soon and the increased exercise will begin to shave off these pounds, but for now...I'll take stability.
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