It's been slow going lately. I haven't exactly been ambitious, but still slower than I would expect. On Friday, I hit 236, which brought my weight loss to 40 pounds since January.
When I really stopped and thought about it, I realized that its quite an accomplishment for me - even though its not as much as I had hoped to lose this year. The most weight I've ever lost was 25 pounds, and here I am at 40! I've been so focused on the slow-moving scale, that I had lost sight of the big picture. I still find myself focusing a lot on how much is left. (It's a lot)
I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, which is partly why I haven't been very frequent with my posts. What else is there to say?
I'm a little nervous about winter. I get pretty depressed in the winter, as many people do, and I have a hard time feeling positive about my efforts. I've been looking in the mirror lately, and all I can see anymore is the things that will never look "better". When I lost weight in my early 20's, things "bounced back" so to speak.
Now, I can see the ways 10 years has changed me. I see the battle scars of two babies, and the sagging skin that will inevitably be my permanent reminder of the way I lived in my body for the last 10 years.
I don't think I ever started this journey to look perfect. But I find myself becoming very focused on what will not look ok, even when the weight is gone. That's hard,because its throwing me off my game...I get to a place where I think, "What's the point?"
I know what the point is. It's to be healthy. It's to be there for my kids for many years down the road. It's to be able to run, jump, and be active with them. It's to maybe - one day - run a marathon with my dad, who just ran his first at 57 years old (GO DAD!) Those things will be awesome.
Know what else is awesome? This year, I lost 40 pounds. This year, I changed my future. This year, I was successful! Next year will be even better.
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